The Undertaker turned caretaker
by ChickenKisses144
Summary: Ciel is left in the hands of the Undertaker when his family becomes a bit to busy. How will the Undertaker deal with a little Ciel in his care? How will Ciel feel about being alone with the strange man? This little adventure may prove to be as funny as it is cute!


I wanted to write another fanfic about Ciel and The Undertaker. Someone mentioned The Undertaker being like Ciel's crazy uncle and it filled me with inspiration.:) Please leave reviews and tell me what you think.

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A noble man and his son stepped out of a carriage in front of a funeral parlor. A large sign reading 'Undertaker' hung above the door. The building was decrepit and old, and was in bad need of a new paint job. Coffins stood outside the door, ready to be picked up by those who purchased them. The shop was located on a rather undesirable part of London, filled with thieves and drunkards around every corner. The poor lay on the sides of the street begging and children filled with illness cough in their sleep. This was no place for people of higher class.

And yet, here stood an earl and his child. Nobody would think there would be any reason for two of societies most wealthy people to even be in this part of town, let alone looking up at a run down morticians shop. The man was holding his sons hand as he put his other hand on the door knob. With a smile he looked down at the child.

"Are you sure you wan't to go in with me Ciel?" he asked the young boy. Ciel was only five years old, and loved to follow his father everywhere. Even to a creepy old building like this. The boy nodded his head and clutched tightly to his fathers hand. With a comforting smile, the man pushed the door open and to careful steps into the shop.

The inside of the building was just as rundown and old looking as the outside. The windows were boarded up, allowing little sunlight into the room, and materials for building coffins lie scattered around the floor along with various coffins themselves. The shelves were lined with jars containing different liquids and body parts, and a medical manikin stood in the corner of the dark and dreary room. Dust lined everything and made the air thick and musky. The smell of antiseptic and embalming fluids filled the entire shop.

The man closed the door gently and stepped to the middle of the room. His son still holding his hand. He looked around for a moment, taking in what he could of the poorly lit place. It was silent in the shop. No sound at all in the room. It was as though the shop were as dead as those who lie in its coffins. The man put on a blank face as he addressed someone who he knew was in the shop.

"Are you in, Undertaker?" he asked smoothly. At first, there was nothing. But then a slight sound caught his ears. A rolling sound came from a dark corner of the room. It sounded as though it were getting closer. The man looked down at his feet to see a human skull come to a stop at his boot. His son squealed at the sight and his behind his fathers legs. Just then, a cackling laugh echoed around the two.

"Hehehe, welcome lord earl. Come to see what its like to lay in one of me coffins?" came a deep but scratchy voice. The man smiled in the darkened room. He seemed used to the unusual welcome. Ciel on the other hand was shaking in fear.

"No, I'm afraid not my friend. I've come to ask about some information you have." he replied to the voice around him. With a grating giggle, the voice got closer. Coming from a curtain closing off the back room where the preparations on the dead where made.

"Oh boo. The earl never comes to just visit. Always needing information an what not. Well, all right. But you know the price." said a man walking from behind the curtains. His long grey hair covering his eyes as he made big sweeping motions towards the earl. As he approached the two, he grabbed an urn full of bone shaped cookies, putting one in his mouth and then offering some to the earl, who raised his hand and declined.

"Yes, I know. A first rate laugh. But, I must tell you, I don't have very long. So please try to understand." The Undertaker smiled at the mans attempt to hurry things along. With a grin he replied "Then I suppose you best be telling me a joke, eh?" Vincent nodded. "I suppose so. Are you sure you don't just want some money?" the earl asked the creepy mortician. Undertaker just stared for a second before leaping in front of the man with his face uncomfortably close to the others.

"Now Vincent, you know better than anybody I could care less about the queens petty coins. I've been ever so bored as of late. So how about it eh? Give me the gift of true laughter!" the grey haired man said as he grabbed Vincent's shoulders in a death grip. His mouth slightly open and drool dribbling down his chin. Vincent noted dully that his breath smelled like cinnamon and black tea. With a sigh, he wrenched the morticians hand off him and thought for a moment. This would not be easy. The Undertaker had heard a lot of jokes, and wouldn't laugh at just any of them. Vincent usually had jokes ready for such as this, but he had been busy readying for his long, grueling trip to Germany. It looked like he was gonna have to wing it.

"All right, what do you call a dog with no legs?" he asked. The Undertaker turned his head slightly in question. Vincent smiled and replied, "It doesn't matter. Regardless of what you call him, he's not going to come to you."

Silence. Vincent grumbled a bit.

"Okay, so a man lost his left arm and left leg, but now he's all right!" Vincent said with a joyful tone. Once again, silence. Vincent sighed and tried to think of another.

"Where does a king keep his armies?" he asked. The Undertaker shrugged. And Vincent replied, while waving his arm, "In his sleevies!"

Once again, nothing. Not even a snicker.

"What did the bear say after eating a clown?" Undertaker didn't even respond. "Did he taste funny to you?" answered the earl. Nothing.

"Whats the difference in a poet and a park bench? A park bench can support a family." Nothing.

"What did one wall say to the other wall? Let meet up in the corner." Zip.

"Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Because some one told him to get along little doggy." Silence.

" Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm." Squat.

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner." Nope.

"What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and we'll go place." Not one single laugh.

Vincent was beginning to become annoyed. He didn't have all day to make this man laugh. The earl looked down at his son and pointed to the door. " Ciel, I want you to go outside, and don't come back in until I tell you." Ciel nodded and headed out the door. Leaving the two men on their own. Vincent took on a serious look. The Undertaker seemed extremely bored, and wondered what the earl would do now that his jokes had failed.

Vincent rolled up his sleeves and approached the grey haired man. The Undertaker tilted his head slightly. As the earl reached him, he placed his hands on the Undertakers chest and waist. The grey haired man gaped as he realized what was going on. With a determined look, Vincent began tickling the mortician with vigor, placing his tickles on the mans ribs and side. The Undertaker wailed with laughter as the earl placed his nimble fingers all over his most sensitive tickle spots. He both hated and loved it when people resorted to this. On one hand, he got a good laugh and got to see how uncomfortable the people tickling him were. On the other hand, he didn't get a new joke, and it made it too easy for people to make him laugh without putting out proper payment. Though, very few people were willing to get close enough to find out if he was ticklish.

After a while, the tickling started to become painful. His lungs hurt from laughter and he was seeing stars. It was time to call it quits.

"Ah, h-ha ha ha aha. S-stop! Please, I- I'm begging you! Aha ha ha! I'll tell you anything, anything you want! he he I'll give you the moon if that's what ye want! Ha hahaha! Just please, stop!"

Vincent took his hands of the laughing man, and stood back to let him catch his breath. He hated doing that, but there were times he just didn't want to put up with him any longer. He could only take silliness and riddles for so long. The Undertaker took long, raspy breaths as he tried to composed himself enough to speak. Vincent walked over and opened the door letting Ciel back in. The boy gave a curious look to the still flustered Undertaker who was hunched over a coffin in the after glow if his laughter.

The earl sat his son on a dusty coffin and walked back to the Undertaker with a victorious smirk on his face. He had every right to the mans information now.

"So my friend, are you ready to give me the information I need?" The grey haired man looked up at Vincent through his long bangs and smiled. This earl always knew how to amuse him.

"He he he. All right, lord earl, you win. I'll tell you anything you want to know." he said snickering. Vincent sat down across from the mortician and pulled out some papers.

"I've been hunting down a group of people who are kidnapping children and taking them to some sort of military camp. From the information we've gathered so far, we have determined their taking the children to Germany. We suspect their training them to be child soldiers. Have you seen any of the children in these photos around London?" the Undertaker looked at the pictures with slight disinterest.

"Ah, I seen this one here a few days ago in the alley. Pitiful looking lad, was terribly underfed. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him around in a while. I would hardly think he'd be soldier material though." Vincent nodded taking the papers back.

"Most children are not. Do you think he could have been taken by the group we're looking for?" The Undertaker tapped his chin in thought.

"I over heard some people say they saw some Germans walking through town with him. They've been hanging about with some other little ones too. Mostly orphans from what I've heard. One of them said something about a place in Hamburg Germany. Perhaps you'll find more information there, eh?" Vincent frowned a bit at the mans words.

"You don't have any more than that?" The Undertaker giggled with his sleeve covering his mouth.

"I might. But you cheated in your payment, so that's all your getting out of me I'm afraid. He he he." Vincent sighed at the man as he rubbed the back of his head.

"I suppose so. Do you know- Ciel, get down from there!" The Undertaker turned his head and saw the little earl trying to get some cookies from one of his urns. The little boy had been very quiet this whole time, save for his tummy rumbling every now and then. With a smile, he stood from his place on the coffin and went over to where the boy was. Vincent mumbled slightly at his sons behavior.

"Honestly, Ciel. You know better than that. I'm sorry Undertaker." The mortician ignored the apology, and handed the urn full of cookies to Ciel with a giggle.

"Oh come now, Vincent. He's not hurting anything. Every child deserves a few cookies once in a while." he said as he patted the boy on the head. Vincent shook his head.

"That isn't the point. I want him to grow up to be a polite young gentleman. And it's very rude to just take someones food without permission. He does the same thing at home. Always sneaking around looking for sweets. Makes me feel sorry for Tanaka." The Undertaker just smiled as he walked around his shop.

"You shouldn't put too much pressure on the boy. You might accidentally chase him into the arms of a less then trustworthy individual." Vincent thought he her something dark in the mans tone, but chose to ignore it.

"Do you know if they will be back?" The undertaker shrugged.

"I don't think they'll be back anytime soon. They'll probably let things cool down a bit before coming back." Vincent nodded as he checked his pocket watch.

"We need to be going. My train will be leaving soon. Come on, Ciel." Said the earl as he began to leave the shop. The young boy hopped off the coffin as he finished the cookies. Crumbs sticking to his puffy cheeks and sugar still on his fingers. As he walked out the door with his father, he turned and looked at the Undertaker with a smile.

"Thanks for the cookies!" he said as he closed the shop door. The Undertaker laughed as the door closed.

"Your welcome little earl. Do come back soon."

* * *

It had been one day after Vincent left for Germany. It was normal for Vincent to leave every once in a while, but recent happenings made things difficult on the Phantomhive family. Tanaka had come down with a cold and the maids were on leave. Rachel thought she could handle Ciel on her own, but no sooner than she got settled into playing with him, Angelina called and announced they had a family issue to deal with. She had been unsure what to do, and so she called Vincent.

"Come now, love. I'm sure things will all work out. Have you considered taking Ciel with you?" He asked. Rachel sighed over the phone.

"I'm afraid I cant Vincent. Its a rather urgent matter, and I don't think it would be appropriate to bring a child. Oh, what should I do, Darling?" she asked her husband. Vincent was quiet on the other end of the phone for a moment before answering.

"I'll probably regret this later, but it seems we're out of options. All right love, here's what I want you to do..."

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Rachel gently stepped out of the carriage with Ciel in tow. She looked up at the shop with nervousness as she approached the door. Vincent had told her to come to this shop and ask the man inside for help. She couldn't help but wonder why her husband would send her to a place like this with their son, but didn't question him out of respect and love. She knew Vincent would never put them in danger. With slight hesitation, she stepped to the door and knocked.

"Um, hello? Is anyone there?" she asked sweetly. She heard a rustling sound inside the shop, but no one answered the door. Gathering up her courage, she pushed the old wooden door open and carefully stepped inside. As she stepped into the dark room, she held Ciels hand tight to make sure he didn't wander away.

"Hello? I was told you could help me." There was a creaking sound in the corner of the room and a raspy giggle. Rachel searched the room with her eyes to see the source of the sound. While she was distracted, the Undertaker walked creepily into the light shining faintly from the window.

"Why hello there, Milady. What brings you to my humble shop? Come to check out one of my coffins?" Rachel backed away from the man slightly. She had seen him in meeting with Vincent and always thought he was a frightening person. The way he smiled and loomed in the darkness made her uneasy and nervous. He was a strange man, but if Vincent thought enough of him for what she was going to ask...

"My name is Rachel Phantomhive and I'm here on request of Vincent, good sir." The Undertaker cocked his head slightly at the woman before smiling.

"I know who you are, Milady. And I'm honored to have a maiden such as yourself in my shop." he said as he removed his hat and bowed in grand sweeping motion. "So, what assistance does the lord earl have for me? Surely he's not in need of more information is he? Or perhaps he wishes to have one of my coffins?" he asked with curiosity. Rachel hesitated for a moment before she told him.

"My husband and I would like to ask that you be the caretaker of our son for the next two days."

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I will be posting more on this as I am inspired each day. I look forward to writing more of this and hope you all like it. Again please leave reviews and personal opinions on the story as it will help me become more inclined to write good material.


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